... Again I hear this alluring song. I thought I was safe here in Imladris... I can't really stand this pain anymore. I have to leave..
Is middle of the night and I can't tell Failandos that I need to go because of this. I told him I had to leave because of family-matters. It was all a lie. I lied to my good friend Failandos that I have known for so long and always felt this deep connection with. Lately something has happened between us, something I never could foreseen, it caught me by surprise, and my heart suddenly turned in an unexpected direction. I feel terrible because of this for several reasons, but I can't really help it. May the spirits forgive me.
I think I always have loved him in a way, but I think I have been very much in denial because of this, or I wouldn't admit it too myself. Besides how can you be with someone that is so much alike yourself. Is impossible... The worst match is perhaps the one that is a mirror of yourself. But still.. The latest days we have been much together and really enjoyed each others company. He wanted to share my burden and join me on my journeys to this unknown place, without purpose and meaning. But I can't... I don't know what it is that will wait for me, nor do I know if it's good or bad. I can't be responsible for bringing someone with me, in worst case to certain death. And that is something no one would do, especially not towards someone you love.
I have often wondering if it's me that imagine things that is all in my head. But either way I will find out doing this journey to the east. It's naive to think I will manage on my own in this state of the world we live in, but as a Warden I have been trained to know how to survive alone for a long time, and because of this I have got the ability to make myself unseen if I have too. But also know how to defend myself through skills if necessary..
