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Cracks in false stone -- Part Two
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Heavy steps brought Blince across the main-hall of his home, his dark eye snapping from shadowed corner to shadowed corner. His home was silent, both children asleep and his woman. Though, his paranoia forced him to check everything, every night. Check the locks, the outside, children, fires. Everything. Being repeatedly subjected to not being prepared for situations where blame cannot be given had further damaged his psyche, which was already barely held together by string.
People often, as is the staple of war, attempt to intimidate one another. And often, this is a action which works upon many. Few people, sound of mine, live without fear. But Blince never felt it, he only ever felt anger, or sorrow.
And that, was something he hated. His Father always made brash decisions based on anger, or lust, or greed. But Blince was better than him, he was always meant to be better than him. Wasn’t he? He was the eldest, the ‘’Golden child’’, but he could never be better than him. When he was younger he was always compared to his Father’s own faults, or mistakes. And now, with his Father long dead, what is he compared to?
Nothing, he’s shown against his own mistakes. Not in the same way his Father was. Where his Father left Bastard’s without a Father, Blince had left children orphaned, or wives widowed. He was worse than his Father, and he knew it. It was why he holds so little want to be ‘’Heroic’’, or whatever those of whom he’s aided think him to be. Such as Viljawyn, or Skarletta. The people who he’d aided at times, but not because his own ways of thinking were offended, not because it went against his honour. Every time, it was because whomever he’d gone against, had made him angry.
Blince has been seen as something he’s not, and is continued to be seen in this way. His apprentices, Neyaa, Hyrien and the late Zurich all see or saw him as some type of hero. As a man who would stand up against anything, get whatever he needed to get done, done. Without tarry, and without fear. But it was because his own life is worth little to him. He keeps himself alive, for the sake that he can make the lives of what is left of his family better.
Many things have been labelled upon him. ‘’Mentor’’, ‘’Hero’’, ‘’Commander’’, ‘’Guard’’, ‘’Menace’’ – the list is too long to go on. But each one had some level of accuracy, except Hero. There were others who deserved the spotlight of this. Not him. Tylan was often what he used for this. He ate up whatever glory was tossed at his feet, and placing it there was as simple as handing a dog a treat. No one knew he was there unless he wanted it, and he was safe. Of course, he had to keep his little shield safe when the time came, people won’t continue to honour a dead man. But it worked, he served his purpose and even became Blince’s own apprentice eventually. Even a friend. Maybe Blince’s only friend, as he only kept Family or those who reminded him of family close. Each have a use, except for Tylan. Now, he is only a hindrance. Blince and his Family would be better off without him. But friends are hard to make for someone without much friendly charm, for Blince atleast. People either back away, or try to see if he is what they think he is. Only Tylan has been foolish enough to stay around and endure whatever went on around him. Even if it was Blince.
But maybe he was just being paranoid. Maybe he just needed to sleep. Whatever gods are up there, know that his lover wishes he could. But the want to sleep and eat had passed the moment Zurich had. For every annoyance that may come from Jemmima forcing Blince to eat, or drink, it kept him alive. Even if he won’t ever admit it.
