The path divided

Bree..A murky pool where words are twisted akin to a dagger in the belly. Gossips, liars, jealous vindictive men and women who wish nothing more than to sow seeds of doubt. The town is full of such people, their lives worth so little, they take their hate and frustrations out on any they might wish to harm. I tire of its people, cold, callous, though that is a lie, for there are a few bright lights amongst the grey. One being the child Eoryn.. I have felt much guilt over these past days, so much time we would spend together, my muddling through to answer the random questions that would spew from her mouth. Oh to be young and naive as she is. Mugged, attacked, her family in turmoil...yet, she still smiles, and reminds me of simple pleasures such as fishing. I can only hope whatever guidance I have given her will serve her in good stead..as I hope the dagger will. The dagger, a simple small blade bought at too high a price from a salesman I felt sympathy for. Nothing of note, the blade slightly pitted, though its edge sharp and its new mistress with no instruction on its use. I will teach her to the best my body will allow, for it fails me at this time. Weak, pathetic and lost. A far cry from how I was some time ago. Polly believes the child will be a boy, I care not, son or daughter, but simply that he or she arrives to this world healthy. Polly, the closest person I have to a mother of late, thinks it madness I travel into town, but I must escape the confines of my home. Too much on my mind, the distraction serves me well, well enough if I avoid contact with most. Seems I make none in my life happy at this time, well, with the exception of Siward, odd how I should find company in a man most choose to avoid. I know little of him, and he of me. I think this best. A devoted husband and father, it somehow seems safe to speak with him, without fear of jealousy and desire. Men…once I would delight in their company, yet of late they bring me nought but grief. Since my declaration of love to Yarassi, I have had a handful of men approach and confess their love to me. Acts of the desperate seeking one last attempt to sway my heart before I wed. Or perhaps now they feel more at ease speaking such to me now I am unobtainable. Each turned away gently...no harsh words. Perhaps I am too kind, thinking upon others feelings. A failing of mine, when I know others are not as generous. I watched from a distance as Yarassi spoke with one of the confessors. The man upset at my loves distant mind toward me that night. He asked that I remain where I was whilst they exchanged words, I know not what was discussed, but from where I stood neither seemed pleased. Instead of watching on I fetched my horse and rode to the market, cloth to fashion my wedding dress was waiting and I was eager to show my love a sample of my choice. When I returned, Yarassi was gone, and has remained absent for many, many days…I still hold each letter he ever wrote to me, including the one with which he promises always to return, yet, I now doubt these words. Wrong of me? Perhaps…Understandable, yes, for my former husband left, a man who loved me beyond measure, never to return…