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Oh Crumbs! A song about proper pies.



Oh Crumbs!
*Please note that the bridge must be performed with a pie in your mouth to be sung properly, preferably a cheese and onion one with a firm crust.  And if you prefer mushrooms to lamb kidneys in your pie, you may substitute the words out, of course.*

~ One biscuit is just a tease! ~
~ Give me something that will pad my knees: ~
~ Something that they've filled with cheese, ~
~ And a bit of onion, please! ~
~ Something swimming in gravy - ~
~ - with fresh peas... ~
~ Kidney pie! ~

~ Bake'em so they're pocket-sized, ~
~ Or like a wardrobe, climb inside: ~
~ Spicy sauce, or batter-fried - ~
~ It don't matter, I won't lie! ~
~ Morsels crammed up to my eyes - ~
~ - what I prize... ~
~ Kidney pie! ~

---bridge---

Hmmmfh, hmmmfh,
Hmmmfh, hmmmfh - yum!
Mmm...mmm...mmm - yum!
Mmm...mmm...mmm...

-------------

~ I've heard of pies made out of frogs, ~
~ Or eels, blackbirds, or little dogs, ~
~ But my ambition, my epic slog: ~
~ To bake a pie that's worthy of song: ~
~ Rolled inside a pastry log - ~
~ - tail of Smaug... ~
~ Dragon pie! ~

~ You ask me, now how is this done? ~
~ When dragons aren't so very dumb ~
~ That they'd give up their tails or thumbs ~
~ To dwarves with flints and lungs ~
~ And nothing else between'um - ~
~ - oh crumbs... ~
~ Dragon pie! ~

Oh Crumbs!