Entry 9
I have already got used to some inconvenience and various aches of the body our training brings. The pain is still the same, the weariness as well – but the ongoing struggle consumes much less energy that can be utilized elsewhere. Instead of self-pitying we are more focused on the reason why we train to fight and whom we will defend.
But the imminent threats we face have not been revealed openly to us, the recruits. The scouts keep returning with grim news about increased activity of goblins, spiders or other foul creatures in Ered Luin. But these tidings are usually not meant for the ears of the Nethvaed. How I had been jealous when Faelach was sent to „deal“ with the goblins alongside Hadron Istuir, an experienced warden of the Mithdirith. Until now…
On Hirgonui’s command caun Aearandir took Hallothel and myself to reduce the increasing number of spiders in Haudh Lin area. Finally a task with a real purpose not just mindless drill! We were both excited with our first mission! The spider’s purge was combined with training and the initial focus was in ranged practice with javelin and bow. We had to adopt different formations due to the changing situation being always attentive to caun’s commands. Oh I was terrified upon entering the foul lair and fear tried to seize my heart. Aearandir’s clear commands helped me to focus on our task. Hallothel skillfully covered our rear with ranged attacks. After we fought our way successfully to the centre of the den we were tasked to conduct the sweep of the remaining spiders on our own. Being a little surprised with caun’s decision but unable to refuse a challenge and a command at the same time me and Hallothel set out to perform our task. Watching each other’s back we proceeded slowly but steadily in the beginning. Our confidence grew gradually with every kill so we were able to finish our task quickly and unharmed.
The caun seemed satisfied with our proceedings allowing us some rest before we returned to Thamas Lorn. We must have been a sight feeling exhausted both physically and emotionally for he offered us some advice on how to deal with stress associated with combat. I will never forget his words that were spoken mildly yet clearly: that we cannot stay as we were or else we would perish without any protection of our sensitive hearts. Aearandir did not advise us to be cruel, harsh or ruthless or to let the anger become the drive for the fights ahead – then we would more resemble servants of the Dark Lord and become only shadows condemned to the void. But he offered another more suitable solution – to put on a mask to cover our innermost parts of the fëa and to prevent fear, despair and hate from ruling our hearts. Only from experience we will learn when to put it on and when it is time to remove it again. Inability to remove the mask after battle might have fatal consequences depriving the bearer of much needed integrity of the spirit. I have definitely much to think about although I feel I will not be able to fully understand for some time… but now the news:
after we returned to Thamas Lorn Aearandir reported to Hirgonui about our sweep at spider’s lair and… he added that I was ready for full induction into the Herth!!! So it means I am finally ready to don the blues! I was told the ceremony would be held in a few days so I should visit the quartermaster to ensure my new shiny uniform will fit me perfectly!
