30. Intimidating by nature

S.A 2035 Summertime

She approached Falchon as he was sparring with a training dummy on one of the smaller training-fields in Harlond.

"I think you should read this." Orneth handed Falchon the diary. He looked puzzled at the diary and laid down his sword. He opened it up. Immediately he nodded. "A diary?" Orneth looked at him saying, "It's your mothers diary. I think it will explain to you why she became sick." Orneth paused before she continued. "She was very sick. Naerchanar was just trying to help her." Orneth looked at Falchon as he was reading. "Why do you want me to read it? I already knew I was not wanted. I do not need to have it confirmed."

Orneth looked at him and stroked his shoulder in comfort, "It is hard to know what it is the best thing to do Falchon. I genuinely think it will give you some answers. She is writing a part where she explains that she slowly grew fond of you Falchon. Perhaps you feel better? It will also give you some answers on what actually happened to your mother. It is not nice reading I will admit that. I hesitated to give you the diary. I always think is best to know the truth, even if truth hurts sometimes."

Orneth left Falchon and she observed him, he placed the diary on the rock and continued his training. Orneth had a last look at him before she left. He was spectacular in his own way, stoic and strong. His heritage from the Noldor gave him features that were both fierce and striking, but also a little intimidating. She had felt a little discomfort when she handed him the diary. She felt she was interfering into something that was not quite her business..

Suddenly Orneth regretted handing him the diary. She felt like an enabler for his hurt and she felt bad. She walked back and said. "I am sorry Falchon. I just wanted to show you that your mother was not dismissive regards to you. I also wanted to show you there was a reason why she kept distance. It was not about you. It was never about you." Falchon turned and once again stopped his training. He placed his sword in the ground and responded quite aggressively. "It was all about me Orneth. I am still a product of the father she hates so much. I will be not be anything else than that for her." Orneth looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Can you ever forgive her?" Falchon shook her head. "Orneth. You must stop this. This is not your family. It never has been and it never will be. Let us solve our own issues. Whether I forgive her or not it is truly up to me. Why does it concern you so much?" Orneth felt a deep hurt inside when he spoke about family, "It is my family, perhaps not by blood, but I feel I belong. I do agree I should not interfere so much. I just loved Manyamë so much." Falchon picked up his sword again. "You may love Manyamë, but do you truly think she loved you? Why would she share the grotesque memory with you if she truly did? It has caused you nightmares and pain" He looked at her annoyed and swung his sword. "Anything else you want to say?" Orneth did not recognize him. He was plain cold and angry. She looked down fighting emotions. "I shall leave."

That night when Orneth was in her bed, she was looking at the daisy she had in her diary. It did not mean that much to her anymore. Although she did not have the heart to throw it away. It represented a time which also was quite sad, but there was a time with strong friendships too. The beryl stone she got from Falchon was still a mystery to her. Why would he give such a precious gemstone to her if he did not like her at all.

Then she heard someone knocked at her door. She assumed it was Lady Lanyarë and opened up only in a light dress. She realized quickly who it was and immediately got stressed. He looked pale and his eyes were red and sore. He looked fragile and was shaking like a leaf. She knew he had been reading the diary anyway. "Please enter.". She took his hand and sat down in her bed while he sat next to her. He buried his head in his hand in despair and said, "Somehow I knew something was wrong with her. I knew it deep inside. She was a victim of something or someone. I have had many dreams of her being the driving force that caused Thimben to take her own life. I have never thought of her fondly." Orneth stroked his back. "I knew her long time ago. She was a remarkable lady. She was very loving, sweet and inclusive. She had a lot of compassion for the free people and even the animals around her. That is why we all went to search for her. What happened to her is the same that has happened to so many others. You know this Falchon. Was she a victim or was it caused by her own will?"

Falchon looked at Orneth, "I don't know. All I know is that my life has been a long drawn painful process so far. I thought I finally found a purpose now. Ever since I joined the army and got to know Lord Mannamo I have felt more complete. He does not care about my past. I am what he sees and that is the truth to him. That is what he keeps telling me. He never asks about my past. He is very righteous and fair." Orneth looked at him, "Lord Mannamo is correct. So let us keep it like that. Let us close that chapter about Manyamë. Her fate is her own. I cannot do anything to get the old Manyamë back anymore anyway. She has changed and who knows where she is."

Falchon laughed "I doubt you will be able to let it rest. Perhaps you won't tell me. You will still do things in the hidden." Orneth smiled, but she did not say anything. He smiled back and said, "Somehow it is a trait that is very admirable about you. You are loyal and never give up." Orneth looked at him and said, "Yes, but it has had its prize. I may let it rest now. I think I have done my part. I will still miss her, but I can't do much to get her back at this stage." He smiled again and made a small sigh, "You are sweet Lady Orneth. I have missed you all these years." Orneth looked at him a little puzzled, "Well. You kept yourself away from me." He nodded, "I needed to find my path Lady Orneth. It was all very simple. I basically had two choices. Either drown myself in to fear and hate. Or pick myself up and find a reason to live. Lord Mannamo saved my life in many ways. I spent much time in the army. In many years it had all my focus and I learned a lot. I also found friendship and respect. I somehow felt valuable and appreciated. I feel safe among my companions and I do believe no one will chase me anymore." Orneth looked down, "It all make sense now. For so many years I thought you did not count me as your friend anymore" He shook his head, "In the barracks you had a great importance to me, but it was a very dark time. When we got our freedom it was for the best we both healed individually. It would have been easy to feed into the past again if we were kept our friendship. I needed some time on my own Lady Orneth. I hope you understand." She smiled "I do now.." Falchon took her hand, "I thought of you a lot."

Orneth felt her pulse raised when he took her hand. She was very much aware of him and felt weak in his presence. She looked down and felt her cheek burning and said with a stuttering voice. "I have done the same." His piercing grey eyes looked through her. Itwas something dangerous about him. She felt extremely drawn to him and she closed her eyes. He said with a warm tone, "Are you scared of me?" Orneth responded quickly and smiled, "No" He leaned forward to her, "I think you are." She took a deep breath, "Perhaps a little." He smiled, "Good.." She blushed and she felt her palms sweating. He was very close to her, she could feel his warm breathe. Suddenly a firm knock were heard at the door.

It was like a strong reality-check. Orneth jumped in scare and Falchon more or less did the same. He stood up straightening his hauberk. Orneth ran towards the door and opened it. It was Lady Lanyarë, "Ohh. I am truly sorry. I did not know you had a visitor. Lord Falchon my grandson. I am glad to see you. I just wanted to ask if you wanted supper?" Orneth blushed and her eyes shined. "No. I am fine." Falchon smiled, "Lady Lanyarë, I was just about to leave." He bowed and he left. Lady Lanyarë looked at Orneth. "I am truly sorry." Orneth laughed, "No sweet Lanyarë. It is fine. He was about to leave anyway." Lady Lanyarë winked, "Very well. I see you tomorrow." She closed the door carefully and Orneth turned and looked out the window. She saw him walking. Her heart pounded wildly.